The countdown is on

4 more nights… this is what I just overheard Jacob saying to his Dad. Wasn’t it only yesterday that we were still a month away from surgery? We are scared. All of us. Except Kaleb, who is blissfully unaware of what is really going on. And I’m thankful for that. Though we  don’t know how to fathom what is actually going to happen and what the recovery will be like, we have checked off some boxes with things we felt “should” be done prior to the amputation. Family pictures. Check. Family holiday. Check. Meeting other amputees. Check. Get together with close family and friends planned. Check.

As of Thursday, Jacob’s neutrophils were at 0 so he began G-CFS injections to artificially raise them. Tomorrow morning he will get bloodwork done to see if it’s worked. If not we head into Vancouver to start more injections. This is key to making his surgery happen on Thursday. We do not want any delays, as that could be very detrimental to his chemo schedule. Because his cancer is extremely aggressive, any week that goes by gives roaming cancer cells a chance to multiply.

I keep trying to picture the day – the pre op meetings. The prep for surgery and the talks with the nurses and surgeons beforehand. The agonizing wait before Jacob actually goes in. What do we say? Do we say goodbye to his leg? What will it be like wheeling Jacob into the OR room and kissing his forehead as they start the anaesthetic and watching his eyes roll back and close seconds later. How do I walk away from him then, knowing what’s about to happen, knowing that there’s high risk of complications, knowing that when I see him next he will not look the same.

There is no choice in any of this – the only other option without radical surgery and tumor removal is death – and that’s clearly not what we want. So we are okay with what’s happening. It hurts badly, and our hearts our broken for Jacob knowing the struggle and fight he has ahead still, knowing the physical challenges he will face for so long.

But, as of Thursday evening, Jacob will have no visible cancer or tumors left in his body. This is what drives us to to keep encouraging him, and ourselves. Though what he is going through is extremely difficult, and an amputation is something I would never have thought my child would be going through from cancer, we are remaining positive overall. Now it’s the hurry up and wait. Much like when we were waiting for chemo to begin after we found out he had cancer – you process, push through some of the emotions and then get to a point where you want and need action. What makes me sad though is that on top of the chemo and time spent away in the hospital, and feeling like we had just found our footing in a way – everything is going to be turned upside down – again.

We had a wonderful 4 days away in beautiful weather and got to see and do a lot of fun things. The mental break was needed for us all – and it certainly helped to recharge our brains again. The next few days will be busy with surgery prep, meeting with the vascular surgeon, and pre op appointments on Wednesday. Wednesday evening Ray, Jacob, and myself will be staying at Ronald Macdonald House. Thursday morning we will be at VGH at 6 am. The surgery will be 6-12 hours long. Continue to keep Jacob and our family in your prayers as we continue to prepare for surgery.

Ps 55

“Listen to my prayer, O God.

Do not ignore my cry for help!

listen and answer me,

for I am overwhelmed by my troubles……

My heart pounds in my chest.

The terror of death assaults me.

Fear and trembling overwhelm me,

and I can’t stop shaking.

Oh that I had wings like a dove;

then I would fly away and rest

I would fly far away

to the quiet of the wilderness

How quickly I would escape

far from this wild storm…..

But I will call on God,

and the LORD will rescue me.

Morning , noon, and night

I cry out in my distress,

and the LORD hears my voice.

He ransoms me and keeps me safe

from the battle waged against me….

Give your burdens to the LORD,

and he will take care of you.”

Like the psalmist David, we cry out to God, afraid and full of anxiety, but ultimately casting our burdens on Him and trusting Him to take care of Jacob and to carry us all through this dark road ahead.

24 thoughts on “The countdown is on”

  1. The time will go by all too quickly … and yes, DO say goodbye to the leg – touch it gently and with love let it go! It has served its purpose and it’s time for Jacob’s next ‘step’ on his journey. He is so blessed to be traveling with the amazing family and friends he has by his side! It would be so sad to face this alone. ❤ Sending much love to all of you!

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  2. We are all praying for you Jacob, for the surgery and healing and for your family. For strength for Mom and dad and your brothers during this week and especially Thursday. You are in the hands of some amazing surgeons and an evening more amazing God!

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  3. Praying that Jacobs body and mind will be ready for surgery. Praying for strength and peace for you all. Praying that Jacobs medical team is well prepared and the surgery goes smoothly.
    May Gods extravagant love and grace be poured out over you all.

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  4. The Psalms are such a blessing from our heavenly Father. They give us words to sing, say, pray when we have no idea what to do. We lean on the One who is in control of all things. We continue to hold all of you in our prayers. May God give you all you need as you prepare for Thursday. May he guide the medical team so that all goes well with Jacob’s surgery. May he give you peace as you wait. Hugs from us 4.

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  5. Prayers continue to ascend for Jacob and his loved ones! May our God give you much strength and peace in the difficult journey.

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  6. Yes, cast your burdens on the Lord, and however difficult that may be, do not pick them up again. The burdens are in good hands. Jacob is in good hands and will be in good care. In those merciful hands, he is safe and you all are safe. and many of your brothers and sisters in Christ are, like you, closer to the Lord. May the Lord continue to strengthen and comfort you all through these difficult times. He is faithful! In unison, we all call on Him to bless you all.

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  7. We are praying fervently, passionately, constantly. May He Bless and Heal as only He can, May He guide the hands of the surgeons, and may He grant you all strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow ❤

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  8. Praying, hurting for you. I want to give you a “tear” jar: you’ve probably never seen one before, I thought of it when I stood outside your front door and wanted to take your pain away with me, if I could give you a jar to put your tears in I could come by and pick them up, maybe you would feel better and less burdened, but then I was scared I might not be able to bring the jar back empty…and then as so often happens IF we would try to do something by our own strength, we are reminded that God had already promised to take all your tears away and to fill your heart with his love and to make you strong and courageous as He also witnessed to you in the psalm from David. Praying….

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  9. Praying to God to grant Jacob the “strength & courage” he needs for surgery, “strength & courage” for his dear parents as you travel this overwhelming road of anxiety & fear, and to guide the hands of the surgeons. Praying that God will hold all of you close to His breast, trusting that He will guide you through this storm, carrying your burdens, fears & tears, and for tender healing mercies for Jacob.

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  10. Keep God’s promises in your mind. When you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away.You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.
    I love you all.

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  11. What a precious bunch you have.

    Glad you had some good family time,

    One day at a time now, you have been an amazing mom to your precious boy. I will pray for strength for you.

    Praying for the surgeons and for you all, especially Jacob as he faces Thursday.

    Connie

    Sent from Outlook

    ________________________________

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  12. May our Heavenly Father bless you Jacob, may He bless your surgery❤️
    Your Mom & Dad and family love you, God loves you even more…He will never leave you. God will send his angels to protect you while you go into the surgery and when you wake up after. Praying for you big guy!

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  13. Jacob is in the hands of an amazing Healer. We are frequently praying for all of you. May God give you the strength and energy this week. You are doing an amazing job walking alongside your son!

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  14. Thank you for including your doubts and your questions in your blog updates….it makes it ok to ask questions. We have an amazing Savior, but some things in this life still just suck. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, but you are doing it all together as an amazing family: a blessing from God. Will pray for the best outcome for you all xx

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